Planning a Funeral

How will everyone else react? Will I cry in front of everyone? Will my eulogy be good enough? Will anyone show up? Who is going to show up?

These are just a FEW of the questions that run through your mind when the day comes to say goodbye to your person.

For both of us, this was the first time we had planned any type of service.. and being it was for our parents was overwhelming. You’re thrown into making so many final decisions and hoping you’re making the correct ones! All while being in complete shock and disbelief and ultimately thinking how hard it will be to see anyone and everyone all at once.

Jill -

Decisions. Need. To. Be. Made. Fast.

We quickly got the news and within 24 hours met with the funeral home. Since the death was unexpected, my mom made a very quick decision on which Funeral Home to go with. She chose a beautiful one in Westminster, our hometown, with gorgeous lighting and windows, they did the cremation onsite, and allowed 2 viewings

My dad passed on a Friday morning, news was broken to all of us around 11:30am and by 9am Saturday we were sitting at a long conference table with the staff of Pritt’s Funeral home.

Details from the Funeral Home visit:

•it was snowing .. buckets

•staring at a wall of caskets and choosing the perfect one.

•Writing the obituary

•picking the hours and dates of viewing & funeral

•preparation for eulogy

•printing pictures, go through old ones, and make collages / video

Monday 2/23/2015 - Viewings at Pritt's funeral home 11- 1 & 7 - 9. The place was packed

Tuesday 2/24/2015 - Funeral at St. Johns Catholic Church at 11:00am. Also packed

Throughout those 4 days were TONS of emotions from laughing at the funny pictures of my dad wearing a hat that said 'Party Animal' to crying at pictures from weddings, Christmas mornings, and beach trips, to listening to voicemails we had from him (save all voicemails), singing all of his favorite songs, etc - knowing we would never get those moments back.

It takes a very special individual to work in the funeral industry - they truly see people at their very worst. My family and I were so thankful to have had such caring individuals during those days, they made us feel at as much ease as we possibly could in those moments.

ps - I will never forget some of the people I saw at the services for my dad. It was amazing to see the impact he had on not just our family but others.

Chelsea -

We had all spoken to my mom about most of her wishes prior to her passing and knew she wanted to be cremated.

I briefly talked to my mom about if she would want a service and what she would want it to look like if so. She wanted us to do what we felt was right in order to grieve. We did have a laugh or two about the “party” she would be “missing” .. why is grief so weird sometimes?!

I appreciated this in a way, working in the industry myself I realized services tend to be for the living and take place as their closure. As we moved into her final week of life, my dad, sister, and myself were able to talk about the service, I mean we have much of a choice as our world was slowly yet quickly crashing down around us. We knew a few things..

• we wanted it to take place quickly after her passing

• we knew which funeral home (cremation was on site)

• it would be a celebration with photos and a slideshow

• everyone was to wear white or bright colors to honor her life
  

As we spent time at Gilcrest, I began the rough draft of the obituary. Hannah and I together began sifting through photos and videos to organize for the slideshow. My dad began to get paperwork in order for the funeral home. The day after my mom passed, we all showed up at Burriur-Queen Funeral Home in the afternoon (still in utter shock I might add). We sat down and finalized details:

• obituary

• cremation (they asked if we wanted to see her one final time)

• religious aspects for eulogy

• urns

• post service meal

• who would be speaking

• charities to be listed in lieu of flowers

We all decided we wanted a piece of mom with us, so Hannah and I picked out a small urn, and my dad picked a small one for the beach house in addition to the main one.

There were 5 days between my Mom’s passing and the service. All of that time was spent finalizing the video, the obituary, the photographs to display, the guestbook & prayer cards, and our eulogies. The day of the service Hannah and I spent way too much time arranging the photos around the room as we anxiously awaited people to give us “the look”.

As Jill had mentioned about her dad, it is truly amazing to see how many people showed up to support our family and show their love for my mom. It was 100% overwhelming in the moment but something special to look back on.

The three of us spoke, which I am extremely proud of. There was sooo much hesitation on if we all could (rightfully so).. I mean I had a full on breakdown 2 minutes before the service started. I walked right over to one of my best friends (hey Hammy) and asked her to tell me “I can do this” as I cried into her shoulder.

There are no words to describe the service of a parent.. but we were all able to say our final words on our amazing our Cindy was, and always will be.

Advice:

• PLAN DURING LIFE. This is key, and it doesn’t have to be this sad, depressing conversation. Everyone does, and remembering to talk about wishes prior to the inevitable will save your family stress.

• Know where documents and important passwords/information is stored.

• If you are hesitant to speak, have someone available to read what you wrote in case you change your mind.

• Have a code word or look to give to someone to get you out of a situation (thanks CHEPS)

• SAVE EVERYTHING. Take those pictures & videos, letters, cards, voicemails.. anything!! It’s a gift to be able to look back on.

• Be kind to yourself, everyone is grieving and knows your emotions are all over the place.
  

It's okay to not be okay - just do your best and we are sending you hugs and love.

xoxo,

J & C