Sudden & Expected

Death is death

No matter what - it's a loss.

One is not better than the other.

Both are hard and both are gut wrenching.

Death is an unfortunate part of "life" and it is very scary no matter what end of it you are on.

Sudden —

I often feel blessed to have gone through a sudden loss, which may sound very odd but I was truly able to enjoy every single moment with my dad and family until the very end.

I did not watch my dad suffer in any way. He was himself up until the last minute. another reason I feel blessed is because I was not sat down with my siblings to be informed of a scary diagnosis / potential end date. We had absolutely no interruptions in our day to day routine as a family.

Just wait (the phrase I hate) there is a but coming -

BUT I never had the goodbye or preparation (as much as you can) for the death. The moment I started grieving was the moment I was told and it felt like a slap in the face.

Even though it was completely unexpected I know my dad looks down and is proud of how far we all have come as a family and individuals. He sends signs here and there just to say hi and it always seems to be at the most convenient times, especially with my son (more to come on this later)

Expected —

Although death is inevitable, it is NEVER easy. Watching my mom suffer is something I don’t believe I will ever get over. It is heartbreaking to remember not only the intense pain she was in for years, but to know how mentally exhausting her entire battle with cancer truly was. As I’ve mentioned in a previous post, the hospice experience was pretty traumatic for my family. It had everything to do with lacking control and having to give up certain things our family had planned in order to keep my mom in the best care possible. It was the right thing to do but it was tough, and I mean TOUGH.

I am very grateful looking back knowing I got to say everything I needed and wanted to say. It allowed us to know her final wishes and thoughts so we could (hopefully) give her the send off she wanted. I got to process certain aspects of the grief in stages, and although grief is never easy.. in a way breaking off bits of it at a time was a blessing.

Death is Death —

Death is life changing and tragic no matter how it happens. when focusing on the grieving process we try to not compare our experiences to someone else’s, because everyone deals with their emotions differently and no death is the same. Above all, everyone is entitled to process grief however it allows them to positively get through the day.

Jill and I don’t focus on our different experiences, we focus on how we can help ourselves and others grieve. We want everyone to know that whether the death was unexpected or anticipated, we are all processing a loss of a loved one and you are never alone!

xoxo,

J & C